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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {