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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?